mathemedouchian.

boyfriend: "Quick! What's the square root of 117?"

me: "Ummm... ten... point.... four... one.... five...?!"

boyfriend: "That's pretty close. I mean, it's closer to 10.7, but yeah... that's pretty close."

that's amore

"Ugh, I hate that... when you're cooking pasta and someone interrupts you, and then you come back and it's just TOTALLY overdone.

grammar police?

"Do you think 'their' will be standardized as a gender-neutral pronoun anytime soon? Because I think we're pretty close."

Hygiene is important.

"I like to use a back scrubber and exfoliating body wash."

suits suits suits

"That suit has to be polyester blend. I mean, how else do you make a suit for $100?"

Salad is the enemy

"I just don't think I was ready for crappy iceberg lettuce."

over confident much?

"My time at Stanford and Harvard has taught me - I'm really good at taking stupid people's money. But I'm really good at taking smart people's money."

Sandwich snobbery

"She made it wrong. The cheese isn't even melted. Who the fuck puts the cheese in the middle?"

The anti-indie

"Sneakers with a suit? That's totally unconscionable."

"Don't put this on your blog."

"I can't be sure, but I think this beef is barely even carpaccio grade."

ohhh, jeeez.

"Cashmere, like everything, is so all about branding."

at least you admit it.

"I don't like lower-class people. What is there to like? ...I'm just keepin' it real!"

classical music snob!

"Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture is soooo played out."

Better throw out the sweater vests

"I'm over argyle."

Test-taking tips

"You should always be able to provide the most elegant solution."

Sartorial discrimination

"He fucked it up. That's what you get for wearing a peak lapel collar."

FRISBEEEEE

boyfriend: "You know how some frisbee teams bring those big boomboxes and play rap to get pumped up, as if they don't know they're white?"

me: "You do that."

boyfriend: "No, that was just that one time."

spread it on your bread?

"I hate fruit pies. They're just a bunch of jam. Who the fuck wants that?"

forget years of practice!

While listening to the radio: "What does it take to be a professional bassist at that level?... give me a month, and I could do that. I'm just saying, that doesn't sound hard."

When his pen ran out of ink: "I don't understand FUCKING PaperMates. Why would ANYONE make or buy them?"

well, that's one way of making fun of poor people.

"$1000? That's not a lot of money. Well, it's a lot for people who don't dress like me."